A brand new year equals to a brand new start of my phase of life. Year 2004 has been a fruitful year for me. Full of life journeys, miracles, sweat from hard work, and the fruits of labour.

Firstly, who could have imagined that we (Cheah Liang and me) would have ended up together as a couple? Certainly not us! May 30th 2004 was the start of the journey of our lives, intertwined.

Secondly, my application to Nanyang Technological University has been accepted. Wasn't an easy route for me to enter into the tertiary education. Getting a place in the university was just a stepping stone. Next, I'd to face the challenges: adapting to the lifestyle in there, getting the grades, making new friends, etc. The first two months were difficult. I wasn't familiarized with the environment, physically. I felt lost, stranded. To make things worse, Dear was already enlisted in the army. But that didn't deterred us. Distance didn't tear us apart. But tied us tighter than before. Dear did a lot for me. He taught me how to get use to university lifestyle, strategies to study effectively, and most importantly, he helped me to de-stress myself, and not to pressure myself too much.

I'm looking forward to the brand new year 2005! Wanna start a new phase of life with DEAR! =)

Dear's booking out today!! =)
His first bookout from Sispec. I was supposed to go to his house and wait for him to arrive home. But I was too caught up with the spring cleaning of my room, my house. Coz the painters are coming tomorrow to give the house a brand new slosh of paint. Met up with Dear at Outram's East West line station. Went to walk around in Citylink, Suntec City. After that we went to catch a horror film, Shutter, at Marina Square.

I never like horror films, romance shows. I prefer war, action-packed, comedies. Firstly, I don't see the logic in paying $8.50 per ticket to scare my guts out. Secondly, I'm not gonna pay $8.50 to watch the film in between my fingers. Thirdly, I'm not gonna pay $8.50 to have a nightmare. Therefore, it's really a rare occasion that I'm willing to watch a horror film.

There are conditions to watch horror films though. Firstly, my boyfriend has to be with me. I DON'T WATCH HORROR FILMS WITH FRIENDS ALONE. Well, except for girlfriends though. hahahahaha... Coz I'll freak myself out and grab anyone next to me. So my boyfriend must accompany me, if not I won't watch it. Secondly, I don't watch horror film later than 10pm. hahahahaha... Coz it's CLOSE TO MIDNIGHT!! I'm a pathetic freak in horror films. But you'll see a different me when I watch war movies. I'll be going, 'Why don't they blow him up in pieces?' stuff like that.

Well, back to the movie, Shutter. I decide to catch the movie after Ling, Huiyi and other peeps keep talking about it and recommend me to watch it. Well, since Dear and I have yet to catch a movie together since God knows when, why not? But I was half-hearted. Both of us wanted to watch Ocean's Twelve initially. But the screening time was late, so we have to settle for Shutter.

In less than 15 mins when the movie started, I was already whispering to Dear, 'Can we leave now?' hahahahahaha... =.='''
Throughout the movie, I think I was the only frequent one screaming and covering my eyes and ears. hahahahahaha... very dramatic.
I remember there was one scene, where the director purposely hiked up the atmosphere. Then when the climax came, I screamed like nobody's business. And DEAR SCREAMED ALSO! hahahahahahaha!!!! that Big Fat Pig also know how it feels to be scared! hahahahhaha....

After the movie, we headed back to my house. Then he tucked me in bed. Coz he knows I don't dare to sleep until I feel it's safe. When will I watch the next horror film? Probably at least for the next 6 months, I will not challenge myself to a horror film. I shall stick to my preferred genre of movies... hahahahaha... Dear also SCREAMED LIKE A SQUEALING PIG! SNORT! SNORT!

Alrighty! The exam results are out! 4Bs, 1C, 1D. Maths, Physics, Lab, Life Science are all grades B. Religion and Social Life graded C, and lastly, Material Science graded D. Though Dear said I've done well, I'm a bit disappointed that I didn't get A for Maths... Never mind. No use crying over split milk. I'll aim for A next semester. Not just for Maths only. But for Physics! Coz next semester, I'll be studying Electricity, Magnetism, Waves, Superposition! hahahahaha... My favourites! Ya ya... NERD! WHAT TO DO RIGHT?!?!?!?

I'm so shagged. Came back from chalet today. Quite fun. 1st time staying overnight. Well, not exactly 1st time. Stayed overnight when I was still attending the provisional JC period, but at that time, there's a teacher, only to backed out at the last minute. Didn't sleep much. I think less than an hour. COZ DEAR'S SNORES ARE THUNDEROUS! hahahaha... not that I blame him. He's got a cold. I just hoped that his snores didn't disturb his friends. Didn't sleep at all when he's awake. Afraid that his temperature will rise, afraid that he'll be cold, afraid that he'll kick the blanker while sleeping. But overall, it's a memorable day worth keeping in memory. I get to stay overnight with DEAR! =)

It's over. Everything's over. I give up. I don't want anyone, anything else.

Pissed off now. So god-damn angry now. Why can't she listen to me? WHY? WHY? WHY? What difference does it make by staying overnight just 1 more day? I can't tolerate my mom anymore. I've given her enough respect by not walking out of the house and go ahead with my plans. I've informed her about the chalet, ASKED her PERMISSION! HELLO!!! She should be glad that her daughter is tolerating her screamings, naggings, and biasness against me. I've not taken drugs, not gotten into any crimes or whatsoever. Why doesn't she trust me at all!? Haven't I showned her I'm quite a responsible girl? I give her a call when I'm home late, ask her permission for outings *how many daughters at my age still does that?*

I'm cracking... at the verge of cracking. Never seen a university student asking her mom for permission for outing? Permission on starting a relationship? Permission for almost everything? MEET ME! I'M PROUD TO BE ONE. I've already know how's my future like. Even though I'm 30 years old, I'll still be asking my aged mom for permission for everything, and maybe I'll still be single, a spinster. Ling! You've got company for spinsterhood.

Damn it! I hate my life! She doesn't even treat me like an adult! The apple of her eye will always be my brother. GIMME A BREAK! GIMME MY LIFE! If you gave birth to me just because you wish to control my life, my everything, I rather not live. Thank you very much for EVERYTHING!

05 December 2004, 1909 hours

JOHOR BAHARU, Malaysia : A Singaporean woman died after she lost control of her high-powered motorcycle and crashed into the metal divider at KM23.1 of the Second Link on Saturday night.

Johor Baharu (North) Traffic Police head Chief Inspector Bakri Zainal Abidin said Linda Wee, in her 20s, who worked at a factory in the republic, died on the way to the Kulai Hospital, Bernama news agency reported.

Wee, from Bukit Merah in Singapore, was riding her motorcycle towards Kulai to meet her boyfriend when the accident occurred.

She fell after hitting the divider and was dragged about 200m by the motorcycle, he told Bernama. She sustained serious body injuries and broke her right arm in the 11.30pm accident.

Chief Inspector Bakri said the victim's family had claimed her body. - CNA

If the person wasn't Linda, wasn't my friend, I would have just flipped the news as it didn't strike me at all. Such a short report, yet evoking so much of emotions. To the editor, it seems just ordinary road accident. To ordinary readers, seems just another news. But to family, relatives and friends of Linda, it's heart-wrecking news, with emotions running high...

Went to Linda's wake last night. Many people turned up. Jevon, Clarissa, Ling, Liting, Liya, Stella, Chee Sing, Meilian, Ernest, and much more. Even our teachers, Justin Tay and Grace Tan turned up. Jeffrey Tan didn't, coz he's too shocked and doesn't want to attend. So did Huijing. I understand. Coz I didn't feel like attending in the first place. But I refused to believe Linda's gone until I see her body. Call me stubborn whatever. Grace was crying when she arrived at the wake. Everyone was at the verge of crying. But Linda's a strong girl. She'll never allow us to cry for her. Ling said that at least she went away with her bike at her side. I agree. The bike's her baby. She loved her bike very much. If she's given a second chance, no doubt she'll choose this path again.

Couldn't sleep well last night. Woke up twice in the night, suddenly thought of her. Cried for my lost friend. Didn't expect to catch up with the rest at her wake. I miss her...

What is the world becoming to? I'm already in a lousy mood. I still can't believe Linda's gone. I'm trying hard to hold back the tears. And here's my mom, screaming at me. I mean literally screaming. Gimme a break. I'm mourning for my dear lost friend in my heart. Quit hitting hard at me! The same stuff, that I never do any housework, just sit around at home, not finding a job during the holidays, only know how to enjoy life and stretch out my hands to ask money from them. I'm sick of my life. Nothing I do seems to satisfy my mom. NOTHING! I dunno what to do anymore. Just finished packing some stuff of secondary school. Mom was practically screaming her head off me. I really feel like slapping her shitless. I know that's wrong. That's why I held back my temper, held back my tongue. I just wish I can move out, live my own life. I'm wondering, if I ever become a parent myself, I'll never put my child down. I'll never imply meanings that he's worthless, nor he's incapable, nor will I comment that he's not smart nor intelligent like what I'm subjected to by my mom. I remember when I finished my A-levels, awaiting for my results, one can always hear her rentless comments about me not being able to make it to the university. To her, my elder brother is the apple of her eye. The desktop was paid by my dad. While I'd to slog my F***king ass out to buy myself a celviano. Not only was money the factor, I'd to persuade them to allow me to buy the piano! Freedom? Sorry. I've no idea what's that.

Gracie commented that she's suprised that I've not rebelled. How can I? I don't see the use of rebellion. For once, I've no idea how to express my frustrations. I dun wish for tomorrow to arrive. If tomorrow arrives, means I'll be attending Linda's wake, which in turn means that I'm forced to believe that she's gone. Life's unfair! Linda shouldn't be lying in the coffin now. She should be out there enjoying her weekend, should be out there enjoying her youth. WHY!? SOMEONE TELL ME WHY!? WHY MY FRIEND? WHY ME?! FUCK! TELL ME!

I was wrong about today. I counted my chicks too early. Received a call from Ling immediately after submitted the earlier entry. Shocking news awaits me. Linda passed away in a bike accident last night. I didn't know how to react to the news. Blank was the word my mind registered the moment Ling announced the news to me. I can't believed my friend, my classmate for 2 years, passed away. She's only 20! The last time I saw her was in Millenium Walk. She was waiting for her friend. We chatted awhile, exchanged promises to keep in contact, with that, I cautioned her to be careful when riding her baby, aka her bike. Now, about an hour after I woke up, Ling called me to inform me about the passing of Linda.

Dear Linda,

You're a great girl to begin with, an astounding woman in the near future. We were schoolmates in secondary school. You were in the class next to mine, and in the next two preceeding years, we're in the same class. We joined the same curriculum, badminton and quitted at the same time. That was in the lower secondary. Though we're not very close. But we've our special moments together too. Secrets were shared, gossips were exchanged. During that two years, Linda was an excellent friend. Helping, reaching out to everyone who has problems. You sat next to Ling during our graduating year, 4/6. Both you and Ling were sitted in the 3rd row, 2nd row from the entrance. Joan and I were sitted in front of both of you. The four of us have so much to talk about. I remember you always fall asleep during Chinese class, same time with me. And our Chinese teacher, Mr Chen Tat Kwang, will always hook his eyes on us, to catch us sleeping, until he gave up hope nabbing us.

We bumped into each other in Millenium Walk 7-8 months ago. You were waiting for your friend. We chatted for awhile, after that, exchanged promises to keep in contact. But alas! I forgot to ask for your mobile. However, I was not to be disappointed. I searched for you in friendster. I wanted to add you, but I couldn't do so for I'd too many pending friend invites. Now I regret thoroughly for not adding you. You've changed so much my dear friend. A budding girl, with exceptional potential to excel in every walk of life. Strong will be the best adjective to describe you. You're a strong, independent girl, never backing down to life's obstacles. To that, and our 8 years of friendship, I admire you deeply. I know you've difficulties but you never ask for help, nor allow them to drag beaming face into a frown. Dear friend, I hope you'll find happiness now, for life was hard on your previous life.

Yours truly and forever,
Sandra

Well, let's see, I'm still groggy from sleep. Slept late last night, this morning again. About 2am. woke up at 11am. thanks a million to daddy who is so persistent in waking people up, especially me. -____- Guess there's nothing much to update about today, since I'm not going anywhere. Probably will drag Mr Ho Cheah Liang for a swim with me. haha! A PIG THAT CAN SWIM PRETTY WELL! Have you guys seen anything as miraculous as that! WOW! *applause*

To be continued...

Dear's gonna be passing out today! FINALLY! The HOLY DAY! hahahahaha... Coz after today, he'll be having a week of block leave. then he can accompany me to go swimming, go Pulau Ubin et cetra. =)

Gonna meet Dear's mom at Pasir Ris mrt control station at 1.30pm. Then we'll take the chartered bus to the ferry station, and will board the ferry and head for tekong. Feeling sleepy now. Slept late last night. Er, actually is this morning at 2am. heez.. Was busy doing the cross-stitch thingy. Hope to finish it asap.

But as I'm updating the blog now, my mood is spoilt by my very 'GOOD' brother of mine, who has often thrashed vulgurities on me. He's crazy man. I just told him on msn when I saw him online, that he didn't close the contact lens solution cap properly. And you know what was his reply? 'Fuck off lar!' This type of brother also have. So much of his 'I love my family' statement. All crap.

*groan* I'm fighting a losing battle against the flu bug. damn it. Now that 3rd Dec is just 2 days away, I can't afford to fall ill! I've to attend Dear's passing out parade! I've so much things to do when Dear finishes his bmt. Still have to attend chalet, class bbq, go Pulau Ubin, et cetra. Going to meet Gracie later, 1pm at PS. Dunno can make it anot. I'll try though. Going to take a rest 1st.